When will I..??

When will I work up the courage to do what needs to be done??
I've procrastinated long enough,..I need to just get it over and done with
For me life is not pleasant...I'm not talking about financially...but emotionally I'm a wreck....I'm the great pretender...I laugh and pretend each day that I'm doing ok..
but it only make believe...I'm falling down into the abyss more often and it's
getting harder to dig my way out.... I beg Jehovah to end it but He's not listening
to me......