Looking through the glass...

It seems like I'm always on the outside looking through the glass...
Looking in at "normal" people, living happy lives not for one minute
Questioning their sanity....they seem so happy...living exciting lives...
Their journey is one where the wires are in the right places..not twisted
Like the ones in my head..
You know funnily I'm sometimes glad I'm not normal..normal seems so....
Boring...routine...planned..
For me spontaneity makes life more enjoyable...make live more pleasurable..
Sometimes the glass becomes foggy due to my leaning too closely to peer
Closer into the lives of these "normal" people...
I do indeed get along with the voices inside my head...I speak with them..
They've become my compass in the dangerous minefield that is this world...
I sometimes reach out my hand and touch the glass as though trying
To touch the people behind the glass...
They are unattainable... Always so close yet so far...
I guess my place is on this side....

When will I..??

When will I work up the courage to do what needs to be done??
I've procrastinated long enough,..I need to just get it over and done with
For me life is not pleasant...I'm not talking about financially...but emotionally I'm a wreck....I'm the great pretender...I laugh and pretend each day that I'm doing ok..
but it only make believe...I'm falling down into the abyss more often and it's
getting harder to dig my way out.... I beg Jehovah to end it but He's not listening
to me......

Love....How I Do....

For me it's a real feeling..one that more often than not brings pain and joy mixed together... I have only truly loved one person but have had many a pseudo-loves
that have shown me that only the genuine matters....I have a love of learning new things and of animals especially cats ...small and large...as I write my cat Ash sits on my lap...I'm sure what she displays for me is genuine love...pity she weren't the one I'm in love with as this act(her lying in my lap) would bring me even more pleasure than I'm now feeling....don't get me wrong I do love her but she's not human and  I the feel of another human in the middle of the night would be more welcome at this time...
My days are sometimes dark..depending on my mood, however I'm striving more
everyday to think positive thoughts..sometimes it works at other times it's a real struggle...
I am however a hopeless romantic and I believe that one day I'll have my happiness..
if not happily ever after...